I'm flying back to the States tonight. All the best to everyone in lovely India. 

 

 

 

(Adapted and translated from Sakura War IV)

 

樱花大战一直是我最喜欢的日本动漫和游戏系列，不光是因为对藤岛康介的人物设定的喜好，更是因为整个系列的故事中不曾混杂有一丝弥漫在日本影视动画作品上空的灰色气息，取而代之的是华丽的舞台上下闪闪夺目的梦想和因为梦想而绚烂绽放的青春。

 

人们总说，舞台是可以托起梦想的地方。人们又说，只有舞台是可以托起梦想的地方。我说我只同意前一半。于是有人走上前来，说：“你不知道有一句话，叫做‘美好的梦想被残酷的现实击得粉碎’吗？”我说：“去粉碎吧，我就站在这里，告诉你，‘梦想一样可以把现实击得粉碎’。”于是，人们像《无间道》里的曾志伟一样博学，不屑地笑笑：“从来都是环境改变人，人改变不了环境。”我说：“那您老回家种田吧。”

 

其实谁不曾在改变身边的事情和环境？谁不曾在推动着我们的生活向前奔跑？至少，谁不曾想过要这样做呢？当你想到这些的时候，那脑海里的闪亮，就叫做“梦想”。那是在我们最初的心中，都曾经诞生过，发芽成长过，也挣扎生存过光芒。但又有多少人，在生命的中途，当心脏还茁壮跳动的时候，却默默地黯淡了那最初的梦想的光芒？你告诉我，当你面对“生”或是“死”的问题的时候，凭什么来谈梦想的光芒？我却不由得疑惑，当你的梦想都不再闪光，你还谈什么“生”或者“死”的问题？你睁开眼看看这世界，有多少事情，多少环境改变过，又有多少人类的梦想改变过？究竟是梦想在改变我们的生活，还是生活在改变我们的梦想？

 

我知道到这个时候就会有一个被认为无聊的哲学问题出现：“人究竟是什么？”这的确是一个尴尬的问题，因为在骨子里，我们相信，至少期望我们是神的孩子，我们是和其它动物不一样的存在，但那个饱受争议的“进化论”却不时回响在我们的耳边，告诉我们：“没啥不一样的，你就是一猴子。”于是，我们，生理结构上贴近于动物，而心理和精神上又渴望接近神，矛盾和分裂就产生了。于是，一些人开始大谈“丛林法则”，宣扬“唯生存论”；另一些人则摆出高高在上的姿态，渴望自己像神佛一般，泽被众生。都是错的，又都是不错的，因为你本来就站在中间，本来就什么都不是。

 

但你必须选择，你咬破自己的嘴唇，收起自己的梦想，只为了生存，和“更好的生存”。我不觉得可惜，因为你不过走上了生命的两条叉路中的一条罢了。不过，你走你的阳关道，我过我的独木桥，不要不时地跳进我的世界来告诉我要做什么。我不要像猴子一样生存，也不想像熊猫一样“生存得更好”，我要像神一样生存。听到没？我要向着神的方向前进，只有这样，即便有一天我倒在路上，我可以告诉自己，我用我绽放的青春向着最初的梦想努力了，我就是我自己的神！

 “我有一种想跪下来的冲动。”我微微地侧过头，对身边的次仁拉姆说：“我觉得头晕，这简直像做梦一样。”

如题，兴奋中 

早上惊闻明尼阿玻利斯I-35跨州公路桥跨塌。向所有在这次悲剧中死难的人们默哀，向失去亲人朋友的人们表达衷心的慰问，向奋战在第一线的快速反应部队，警察和热心民众致敬。

It might be a little harsh but I decided to put up some of my ideas, mostly critiques, about what I have seen in India from the negative side. I have very much liked this magic country that I have been staying in the last two months, but let’s be realistic this time. Nothing is perfect, even in a magic.

 

It’s like taking a space-time shuttle going from China to the United States, which is probably thirty-years ahead, and then flying back to India, which is similar to China, 1996, and with a lot more cows, dogs, flies and mosquitoes than China has ever had, at least within the time that I can recall. My shock started at the moment when I walked out of the Delhi International Airport and saw all those ambassador cabs and auto-rickshaws parking in the lot. I knew India’s economy started taking off in the 1990s, almost exactly ten years after China put its economic reform on the way in 1979, but I still hadn’t expected to see a capital of a “potential super power” like this.

 

“Super power”? Yes, I have heard this again and again in China and in India. In 1970s, some Chinese people proclaimed to “exceed the US and the UK in 30 years”. In India, I also heard people telling me: “Within five years, Delhi is going to become another Paris.” Ironically, when I was in the US, I never heard a single person using the word “super power” to describe this super power. Instead, what I have always listened to was “China’s threat” and “India’s challenge”. I’ve never been to France, but maybe, French people are quite threatened when they learn there is another Paris rising in the east. Are they?

 

It sounds like we’re going to win, doesn’t it? Both our side (China and India) and the other side (US and Europe) think we’re going to take over the world again, like we did 300 years ago. Are we witnessing anther phenomenal historical trend? Let’s forget about those cumbersome issues like energy, manufacture, outsource, financial market and etc. Just look at something fundamental, something that every Chinese and Indian is proud of – talents. Almost every Indian who has talked with me on this issue raised one point: “If those Indian and Chinese engineers in the US go back to their own countries, the US is nothing.” Absolutely true! But, the question is: “why they are going back?” or “How to take them back?” It is indeed like the argument: “If these western countries didn’t invade us, we would have still been super powers.” But why not those countries invade us when they knew we wouldn’t be able to defend? The world is not a utopia but a jungle, where a person’s life is to a large extent like a “Survival” game. It is nice of other people if they love, or care about you, but nobody is required to do so. I know it’s brutal, but I’m sorry that it might be the truth. Some people die for love, some die for faith, some die for motherland, but most of us, if get the option, will choose to survive. Thus, in this “Survival” game, it is more about what you should do, other than “if others will/did do so, then I…”

 

That is the point which has given me a lot of frustration, disappointment, sadness, anger, and even more other negative feelings in India. People don’t think “what I should do, IDEALLY?” Instead, they say: “what could I do, PRACTICALLY?” There’s nothing wrong to be practical, but at least, there needs to be some air for the idealists to breathe, then people might understand what is the right way to take. Otherwise, the practicality will easily turn into cynicism, and people will say: “Alright, we cannot do anything here individually. Just get used to it.” But how much one can adapt? As a citizen, you probably can drive on the roads full of potholes without protesting to the government; as a wife, you probably can stand being slapped by your husband without calling the police; as a child, you probably can leave school to sell flowers in the heavy traffic, or marry a guy or a girl you have never seen before your engagement, without saying a single “no” to your parents. But, as a government officer, can you look at your citizens struggling in the messy traffic that could have been well maintained without feeling ashamed? As a husband, can you face your crying lover who was smacked by you without feeling guilty? As a parent, can you accept the fact that those “rich” kids are sitting in bright classrooms while your child is walking through the traffic and begging people to buy his 10 bucks newspaper, or can you watch your child getting caged in a frustrating marriage that may ruin his/her whole life without feeling sad? CAN YOU?

 

You probably can, because it has always been like this. For thousands of years, the king is superior to his civilians; the husband is superior to his wife; the parents are superior to their children. The superiors enjoy the feeling of being empowered, while the inferiors are born to ADAPT the “facts”. But the question here is: “why some people are empowered while others are deprived? Aren’t people born to be equal?” You may tell me: “Don’t ask why. It’s our tradition. There is hierarchy, and there is the caste, but this system has been running properly for thousands of years. How dare you, a little individual, to challenge its correctness?” I dare not, and why should I? It doesn’t benefit me a bit by challenging the tradition of India, which now proclaims itself as “the biggest developing democracy in the world”. Yes, it has the Parliament, the Congress, the Central Government and the Superior Court, and it also has the caste. I’m not an expert in democracy system, but I believe if I didn’t remember wrong, one of the fundamentals of democracy is that “everyone is born equal”. When this fundamental is shattered, all of the fancy upper-buildings of democracy suddenly collapse into pieces. I’m not challenging India. When people can judge a person’s social status by his/her last name in a “democratic” country, India is challenging itself.

 

It is really hard for me to depict a picture of a “good system” in this short diary. To put it in simple words, given a consensus that democracy is better than hierarchy or the caste, a good system should be something in which every individual is empowered to create his/her own life. A person doesn’t need to feel “fortunate” to be born in a privileged family or vice versa, because he/she knows that only he/she should, and can, be responsible for his/her life.

 

An idealist does not have to be a dreamer. I know the brutal world is not as sweet as in a fairy tale, and the “ideal system” I mentioned above has not been achieved in any country in the world. But the point is “are we getting closer there?” It’s like that we’re running an organization to help one mission underprivileged children. If we know we cannot achieve this ultimate goal, should we help 500 thousand of them, or should we give up and say: “well, we won’t be able to reach there”? You got my point?

 

I know some relentless people might just want to raise more questions: “If everyone is empowered, are they going to become individualistic? How are they going to care about other people? How can we maintain the emotional connection we have in long time cherished? Isn’t individualism going to make us cold-blooded, like machines?” Remember what I said? No one is required, by law, to love you, or take care of you forever, in any social system. If you don’t want to care about some one, you don’t have to be in the US to do so. You can do it in India. The only difference is in India you might choose to use a sneakier approach because of all the social pressure and other barriers that keep you from doing this openly. You might not think it this way, but it is simply a cost-benefit analysis running automatically in your mind. Some people may have empathy to others’ feelings, but many people don’t, so don’t rely on that. The only thing that can be used to exchange of love, is love. We love our family because they love us, not because they can help us deal with troubles. There are many different ways of sharing love with you family, getting together and fixing annoying problems is a desperate way, not sweet at all. If there is a system helping us cope with all the troubles by ourselves, why bother the people we love? Family is somewhere we should enjoy sweet moments and share our happiness, maybe the last resort to seek for encouragement and support, but it should never be abusively used as one’s psychiatrist clinic, consulting firm, insurance company, or police department. That is why I say, when you empower other people, you empower yourself, your family, and subsequently, the entire society.

 

If you’re still with me, you might now better understand the “talent” issue. It is not those overseas “elites” who might, or might not come back, but you who make your country a super power, not the other way around. Don’t wait for other people to empower you. You could die waiting. Go fight for it. It’s your right, and you, only you, can fight for it!